i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I met the friendliest cop last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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