this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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