just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
