Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
