she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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