he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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