I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have started to decorate penises.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
