i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
