Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
