So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
