ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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