I've blown a few things in my day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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