Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize