; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
