how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
