I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
