She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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