And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
