ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
