I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
