u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
