i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize