If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i love accidental penises.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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