Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
