I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need a burrito and a hug.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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