We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
