I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
