I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Who died my cat blue again?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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