Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
