While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
