tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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