my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
