You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I faked an abortion last night.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
