I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
