Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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