I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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