She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
