how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
