Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
