I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
