talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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