I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
