I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
