dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
