so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
