but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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