I just threw up on my dentist
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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