i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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