oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
