Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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