my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
