is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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