it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm passing your future prison.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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