Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
