if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
