and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
