I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
