Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
