And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
