fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
