hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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