Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
