Umm I'm too high to move.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
