i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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