just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize