3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize