I should be sponsored by Trojan
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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