I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
