I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize