I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want her autograph on my taint
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
