i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
