coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
