i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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