can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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