I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
